wrigley field is MILF paradise
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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