You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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