you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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