New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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