Im at strip club and am horny
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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