he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize