I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize