Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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