My sheets look like a crime scene.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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