I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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