is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize