Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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