I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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