I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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