Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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