I wish you could order shots online.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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