Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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