I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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