Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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