I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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