i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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