I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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