Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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