you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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