I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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