Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize