I met the friendliest cop last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said you looked used
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize