OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize