he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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