i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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