Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize