im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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