Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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