so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize