My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize