So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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