Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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