i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
honey bunches of taint.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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