Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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