I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize