i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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