At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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