Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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