It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize