i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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