I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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