My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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