i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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