woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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