Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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